Thirty Days

Thirty days has passed since Tricia went home to Jesus and the knife edge of the pain has dulled a bit. Four weeks has been enough to organize my new place and develop some semblance of a new routine. My cats too seem to have settled in, found their favorite window perches and have started to play again. Buddy took it hardest as he was her lap cat and the one who took it upon himself to try to make her feel better. But he too seems to have found a new normal and finds comfort in helping me watch TV in the evenings. There is still much to do though, now that I have all my belongings moved I see that there is still way too much and way more than I need. They say the fire danger is high already, I think I will look at it as if there were already a fire in the vicinity threatening this location. I want to be ready to just hook up and go.

The main thing I have noticed though is that with the passing of just thirty days I am able to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Towards the end of Tricia’s life there was total focus on her condition. There was so much going on all the time and the need so great that there just wasn’t time for anything else. Now I notice that I have time to rise above it all, to look at what came before and to think about what will come next. Life is still one day at a time, but I don’t need so much attention on the now that I can’t think ahead and behind.

I can also feel strength returning to my legs. Being able to just walk out the door and onto the trail each morning has been a good thing. I think today I will tackle the upper loop. Next week I should be ready to climb to the top of the ridge and maybe all the way to Bald Mountain. Last year about this time I had purchased a book on the Lost Creek Wilderness and was looking forward to doing some exploring. Last year it wasn’t meant to be, but I have found the book and maybe this will be the year.

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